Back to NY?

So being that you all know me, you're all aware I didn't grow up by Times Square, it was about an hour to two hours away from there. Usually an hour-ish driving, 2 hours by train or something like that. But anyway...irrelevant...I logged on to my webstation (APX's way of saying this is how you get/don't get Christmas off) and thanks to my amazing seniority, I was able to get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (and some of New Years Eve and New Years Day) off! There is seriously nothing more exciting than being with Brian for New Years! But there is something odd about going back to New York.

It's weird, most people go home over the summer and over Christmas break. I visit New York over the summer and Christmas break, and go home afterwards. After being here for almost two years, I'm really starting to realize that Provo really is my home. I love it here. I love the atmosphere, I love the people, I love taking a walk around not-so-historic Provo, there's just so much more to Provo. Maybe it was because I never chose New York, and the experiences that I had there, while some were good, a lot of them I didn't choose to have and didn't have as much control. Here it's totally different. I'm out on my own, I have my own car, my own room, my own life. There's definitely something to going 2000 miles away from your family, (not that someone who doesn't can't achieve this) you gain independence. I just love Provo so much and honestly it's going to be amazing to be married, but I'm really going to miss this place, and I think two of the hardest times are going to be December 2010 (when I'm done with my last semester on BYU campus) and August 2011 (when I actually graduate). I can already tell I'm going to cry like all those kids did in high school because they loved what they had and didn't want to lose it. I know I'm gaining much more by going out to Fort Hood and being with Brian, but sometimes it's just hard.

I'm really looking forward to seeing New York again, being with all of my old friends, hanging out just like we used to and just getting a vacation from all the schoolwork, but I can honestly say there's no place like home, and that home is Provo, Utah.

Law School v. Grad School

So I've had a lot of serious decisions lately, among them the decision to attend Law School or Grad School. I've had some interesting experiences with both lately, and because of these experiences I'm honestly leaning toward grad school...so hear goes.

1. Law Fair: I went to the law fair the other day, looked at all these prospective law schools (at that time I was really eager about it) which in my case were limited to four schools because I don't want to leave my fabulous fiance for 3 years: Texas Wesleyan, St. Mary's, Baylor and UT-Austin. I talked to Texas Wesleyan and St. Mary's and at first I was really excited, St. Mary's had terrorism law and dealt with a lot of JAGs, but warned me that I definitely wouldn't have the JAG job in the bag because I at least needed a 3.0 in a very competitive program, and right now I'm doing terribly in undergrad (current GPA not the one I'll have this semester). I also talked to another representative from one of the schools (won't mention names, I'm nice :) ) that told me that because I'd be starting law school at age 21, I was officially not mature. Now don't even get me started on that one. I hate it when people call me immature, especially law people who barely know me. I've been working my butt off here, working on a research proposal and working at APX, not to mention taking 2 classes last year and working 40 hours to make sure I got my beautiful Hyundai Accent! I'm obviously no slacker, and I've been working towards some form of higher education this entire time. Even though I loved TWU and St. Mary's, after looking at this law school admissions forum, it seemed to me that it was either T-14 or bust! I'm not going to make it to a T-14 school, and I don't want to be freaking trying to find a job every single place that Brian and I go because I'm unemployed and have to pay off student loans. It seemed to me that the whole environment there was really cutthroat and competitive, which I'm sure it will be in grad school, but at least I know I can write, I don't even know if I can practice law.

2. Looking at Grad Schools....: So I started looking at Grad Schools, and believe it or not, even the backgrounds on the screen looked less intimidating to me. I could roll with a Master's Thesis, Historiography classes and making contributions to the study of History. I mean sure, I'll have to deal with the dreaded GRE, but does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? They even have Public History and Museum Studies! Now how cool would that be to do my master's in History and tack on some Museum Studies classes, apparently I can do that at UT-Austin, and I can spend some time being an archivist or curator before I get my Ph.D. And UT is a HUGE school, with a lot of alumni connections. It's so exciting to me to start to make a contribution to history, I feel like that just might be more exciting. So it was all going great and I was on top of the world then along came ORCA proposal...

3. Underwood's Review of my Proposal: I met with Underwood today to discuss my proposal, never before have I ever been so criticized. I always thought I could take constructive criticism, and I can...but it's just hard when you spend like eight hours on two pages and basically get your work torn apart. Granted, he liked it but there were a lot of changes. I'm sending in my ORCA proposal today with revisions made and everything finished, but you can't blame me for seeing it being trashed and being somewhat bummed. It just gave me this interesting perspective on both law and grad school. If eight hours of work being torn apart is rough, what about two years of hard work being torn apart, or worse four years of hard work being torn apart? Yeah...my thesis and dissertation.

I've come to realize through all three experiences that both have their pros and cons, but in both I'm going to get equally criticized, both are equally competitive, and both you need to stay above a 3.0 before. I know I need to go with what I'm most passionate about, and in this case I'm still unsure as to what that is, but I'm really thinking about graduate school. So honestly...it's off to the Provo Temple for me, I have a lot to think about.

TANKS!

I remember in Sunday School, I had a teacher (not sure who it was, it was like my first year in the church) who was saying that the adversary will at times put things in your way to tempt you and to basically take you away from your goals, in my case then it was baptism, in my case now it's law school. Temptation, thy name is wii tanks. This game is so addicting. You would think you could back away from it, the trouble with tanks is, there are 20 levels, and once you die on one level...you have to start all over again from scratch, from mission 1. It's ridiculous, and it just makes you want to keep playing. My roommate Carrie is the owner of tanks, and honestly she is so hilarious, we have so much fun playing this game because just when you think you've made it farther, you just get killed by the enemy tank...or Carrie :)

Right now I've got an ORCA proposal that I have to work on and hope and pray that it gets accepted. I'm talking to my mentor, Dr. Underwood and he thinks if I could type up a decent proposal then I've essentially got it in the bag because Mormon-Catholic Relations is a topic that hasn't really gotten much attention at all except from the Diocese of Salt Lake City. I'm really excited to be exploring basically uncharted territory. I know I have about seven days to write this proposal and I'm sure I'll get it done...but for now I'm just going to play tanks...but only for an hour. (Famous last words)

Whose wedding is this again?

Yes, I know. Another wedding rant. I don't understand why I'm not the wedding type. So many people enjoy planning their wedding. Some of the stuff i hear is "oh it's the one day you get to feel like a princess" and "it's your day so it should be special". It's my day (but honestly, mostly Brian's- he wanted it more than I did) but I want it to be done at least somewhat my way.

Anyone who knows me knows I care WAY more about politics, history and my education than I do about dressing up and walking down the aisle. I've said this to several people, SO MANY people get married, but only 50% of them last. It's more significant to me to celebrate an anniversary, because it's in that way that you really are distinguishing yourselves, it's a special day when you've defeated the statistics and really made your marriage work for one year, two years, ten years, even fifty years. I'm also a very casual person, I don't dress up generally and I really don't want to dress up. But this conversation with my mom irritated the crap out of me...all she wanted to do was come up with this elaborate wedding dress and she wanted this hairdresser to do my hair and makeup and if anyone's been to a hairdresser, they put WAY too much makeup on and style your hair in a way you wouldn't normally want to style it.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous, but honestly is this what a wedding is? You dress up in a way you wouldn't normally dress for anything, style your hair a certain way, go through the agony and pain of high heeled shoes and deal with incredibly overbearing family? And all the while you're wearing makeup that is clearly clown-worthy...or at least completely hiding what was once your face? I know that this is exaggeration but none of this is me. I want to go to law school, if I lived in medieval times I wouldn't want to be a princess, I would want to be a King. I would want to be in the middle of everything and really looking into the future of a nation, and because I'm living in 2009 I want to be a lawyer. Personally I'd be just as happy getting married in a business suit, if not happier. I'm not any of those things mentioned previously and I'm content with that. Why do I have to pretend I enjoy it for just one day?

I know this was a huge rant, but I had to get this out of my system somehow. So just ignore it.

The Search for the Perfect Shoe

Seldom do I write about something as trivial as a running shoe, but this search was worth documenting. So last year, I skimped out and bought a cheap pair of running shoes. Huge mistake. Like seriously. HUGE. The sides of my feet were hurting anytime I ran, and as a result, I loathed running because I knew if I ran, I'd have to run with those shoes. I mean honestly, my Converse One Stars that I got on Target clearance allowed me to run better than those awful Nikes. I waited and waited until the day that I'd be able to afford to buy running shoes that were SO awesome that I just couldn't skimp out. Now don't get me wrong, I'm by no means broke and this was definitely not at the top of my priority list, I bought Grand Theft Auto-Chinatown Wars, Pokemon, new over the boot pantyhose for skating and new clothes before I bought new running shoes, but around the time that I really stated to want it, I won $60 at work from Quality Assurance for submitting an e-mail on why this one call I had was the perfect call. I knew that now was the time. Luckily, I didn't have to use that money, my parents generously offered to buy me awesome new running shoes because I was thinking about doing the JAG program and new running shoes are a small price to pay for the thousands we'll save if I get in.

So I went to a couple different stores, trying to find the perfect shoe. I refused to skimp out. I saw Avias, skipped over them. They're notorious for being cheap and for me, they're notorious for crapping out. I looked at New Balance, Saucony and tons of other shoes. I tried on tons of shoes in the Sports Authority trying to find my perfect shoe. Some hurt my feet on the sides like the Nikes, and then I found the most awesome shoe ever! But the search does not end there. I returned home to realize that it was going to be Nike syndrome all over again if I didn't get a bigger size, but of course evil Sports Authority didn't have it. So I went on to my next stop, Kohls. And they're not notorious for their running shoes, but when I found the Asics Enduro, I couldn't say no. They were on sale for a good price, they're great and when I run, I feel so happy! I don't have to worry about my feet hurting anymore.

I've never been this particular about anything before, especially not in regards to clothes, but I'm so happy I was when it came to this running shoe! I love my new shoes :)

Why I've come to hate sputnik...

It's a Saturday. Known to most as a day of rest (maybe here at BYU that's just Sunday). For me, that seems to be no day of the week as I spent today in the fabulous Harold B. Lee library, further strengthening the love between me and Harold. I spent today looking at old issues of Time, Ladies Home Journal and the New York Times in search of articles on Soviet education for my dang prospectus assignment. I'm seriously the most ridiculous student ever. This is a far cry from freshman year for me. I feel like I'm really working my butt off on this paper. So far I've spent about eight hours on it, soon to become eight more tomorrow. I love my life. Sputnik just made my life a whole lot worse because there are hardly any secondary sources, but tons of primary sources. so apparently everything that needed to be covered was covered in 1958 :(

Don't get me wrong, I've been having a lot of fun too. I bought some new running shoes, I need to run and skate. When I start running again I'll be a lot more relaxed and feel better, and skating is awesome too. I've said several times that skating is a great sport...if you're a masochist. So true. But I am starting to get better. I just started working on my sit spin, and next week I'm working up to my loop jump! I love my life :)

So I might just be able to make it in this crazy school

Look at that awesome view! Yes, that is the city that is Provo, or mostly BYU because BYU is Provo. As many of you know, BYU and I have a love-hate relationship. I love the fun I have there, all the friends I've made, the fact that you can live off campus and you don't have to deal with RA's. The fact that it's a huge university so you'll never stop meeting people and making friends. And then there's also the many things that go along with the church, like you don't have to worry about being locked out of your dorm because your roommates have their boyfriends over and their boyfriends are spending the night or something. The tuition isn't bad either, $2140 a semester? Not bad at all.

Anyway there is quite a lot that gets me bummed about BYU and most of it falls into the academic category. The classes here are really rigorous. Not to say that at any other University they're not, but I mean, my roommate Carrie gets mostly B's here and she went to Buffalo and got straight A's. Like that's how big the divide is. She said she didn't even have to try. I'd love to find a day where I didn't have to try. This problem basically followed me into freshman year, because I'm used to not working for my grades. In New York I tried a little, but not much at all honestly in comparison to how hard I try at BYU. So after a terrible freshman year (academically, socially it couldn't have been more awesome!) I decided I was going to bust my butt to get awesome grades here at BYU. So I've been trying, spending literally thirteen hours on campus at a given time. Dead serious. One day it was 8am-9pm. I've been doing all my readings, working hard and I've been getting awesome grades, so far it's been A's and B's across the board, that is definitely going to change on occasion though, but this was the biggest confirmation that my grades were getting better...

After I left the testing center and looked up at the TV to see my score for my Church History exam, my jaw seriously dropped for a good 5 minutes...it said 91% Congratulations. For the record, the testing center has never complimented me in my entire career at BYU. Seriously. So I'm really starting to think I might be able to hack it here. I just have to work a lot harder, and I'm trying to have fun as well.

All I can say is that testing center is a total self-esteem booster hahaha :)